I'm JUST A Snack...

Not even an appetizer...

Certainly NOT a FULL Meal...

And that makes me really sad!!!

I've been trying to come to terms with this for about seven weeks...

Almost ever since my milk came in 5 days after Baby Kate's birth...

After Baby Kate lost more than 10% of her weight after birth because my milk didn't come in, 

I have worried about my breast milk...

Was she getting enough??? Was it nutritious enough???

The times that I just breast fed her, she would be fussy and unhappy... very restless and cry unless she was literally attached to my breast... so that is what we did for hours after hours...she only slept for 5-10 minute mini naps...

Then we went to the pediatrician for her two week check up... I was told that she needed to gain more weight since she was still below her birth weight, so breast feed then supplement...

So I breast fed, supplemented with formula in the bottle, then pumped... I was exhausted and miserable...  Baby Kate would still take the average amount of formula (2-3 ounces) in a bottle for a baby her age after breast feeding...

I began to wonder why I was making myself miserable with feeding her basically 3 ways when the bottle was filling her up and meeting her needs... clearly breast feeding wasn't...

At Baby Kate's 1 month check up at 5 weeks old, the pediatrician suggested just breast feeding for 30 minutes then bottle feeding... we also discussed a nap schedule and clearly Baby Kate was not getting enough sleep... I stopped pumping and was so much happier!!! Baby Kate continued to drink the average amount of formula (3-4 ounces) after breast feeding for 30 minutes... and began to sleep for a longer amount of time...


Now, at 8 weeks, Baby Kate is drinking 4 or 5 five ounce bottles of formula a day and breast feeding during her early afternoon nap, at bedtime and in the morning... I wish I felt that she was getting a meal each time, but feel confident that she is only getting full when she has a bottle of formula...  Baby Kate is taking much longer naps, is clearly happier, and has had a huge growth spurt...  now her naps are usually 2+ hours once in the late morning and twice in the afternoon... she does usually sleep from @ 11 at night until 5:30 or 6 in the morning... breast feeds, then goes back to sleep until @ 9 am...


I keep reminding myself that the lactation consultant at the hospital told me that we are lucky to live in a country where she can be fed formula... but clearly my heart is with breast feeding... I keep telling myself that all of us have our individual strengths and mine isn't breast feeding... and that is OK... 

I am hoping my body will continue to produce milk for our nap time, bed time and early morning breast feeding sessions... I just love our special time and would be so sad to have it end so soon!!!